she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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