Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
