i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
