Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
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I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
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I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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