Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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