help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
