Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
