you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
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Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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