Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
