Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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