Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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