He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
