After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
