Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
