he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
