Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
we made out on top of his cat.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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