that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
