I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
