im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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