Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?