They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
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Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
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Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?