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I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
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