Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill