He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
