My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
