Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
