Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
