You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
