I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
