I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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