Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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