he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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