last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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