it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize