Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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