fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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