Redeem this text for a blowjob
where does the pee come out of this thing
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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