butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
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I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
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Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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