I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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