Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
