Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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