I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize