Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize