i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize