The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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