Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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