Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
