he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
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So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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