I wish I could teleport
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
