If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
