who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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