I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
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he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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