I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Don't EVER smell your tampon
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked