I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.