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Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
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