Please, let me fuck your mom
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.