1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.