There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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