suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
